The first time I met John he told me that he was the singer in a tribute band. “Hey!” I said. “You do look like Steve Tyler from Aerosmith.”

Then he punched me in the face and said try again.After a few more hits and guesses, I found myself face to face with the monster that is Mick Jagger’s doppelganger. Not only the look, but attitude and style to match.

This guy stirs up the same danger as the Stones did in the sixties.Talk about lock up your daughters, and do us all a favour, whatever you do, don’t bring your grandmother to a gig.

These old birds have good aim from throwing their knickers in the sixties, and they still do it.

But now, those Bridget Jones undies, well, they pack a wallop when they’re thrown like a boomerang at the last piece of live meat within a 100 square miles, or in this case a 40 sq. metre stage.

John’s very adept at ducking them and (the next bit’s a secret so don’t tell anyone) he keeps the ‘pretty ones’ so he can wear them afterwards.

However, John can pick out a full tinnie coming our way at 97 mph and pluck  it out of the air like a Peregrin falcon.Which is lucky for us as that’s the only way we can get a drink rider these days. Cheap bastards.

John comes from the days when you could get a live donkey on the rider and  every motel room came with a bathtub full of Piranha and a spare TV to throw out the window.

John now claims he has absolutely no memories of donkeys or piranhas,only the TVs, (nice try mate!!)

But, alas, those days of road trip excess and hedonism are long gone. John hasn’t done that sort of thing since at least October last year. He may blend in with the humans by day, but by night, he’s rockin’ out and out front doing Mick with the Rolling Stones Experience.

So, if you wanna see this wiry, hip thrusting, chicken dancing, outlandish character pushing the rock n’ roll boundaries, and you love the Stones, come along to one of our gigs, we guarantee you won’t be disappointed.

Rockin’ Johnny Newton. (Guitar)

They say old rockers never die, they only smell that way.Well, that’s certainly true of Johnny, especially, if you share a dressing room with him.

Johnny has only one quirk and that is since falling outof a palm tree, which was only two feet tall he thinks he really is Keith Richards.

Hey, that’s fine with us even though it’s costing us a fortunein bourbon. Which is strange ‘cause he didn’t drink at all before the accident.

So, we don’t tell him the truth. If he’s still prepared to livethe rock’n’roll life, then we’ll follow to the death. Every weekend, every gig out there on the front line. All for one and every man for himself!

He may be grey, stoned and can’t feel his legs some nights, but man, he ROCKS.Keepin’ it real with vintage Fenders, valve amps, open tunings and four decades of rockin’ out, Johnny gives ourshow credibility and authenticity.

This guy was buying stones singles when they were first released and brain-washed ever since. He may know onlyfour chords, but hey, that’s one more than the Stones knew.It’s all blood, sweat and bad odour power chords, and, he reeks of it. Come, see for yourself. But, stand back! Some of that sweat may land on you.

“Brett” “Goes to eleven” Thompson. (Guitar)

The Dr Frankenstein/mad scientist of the group, Brett has a long history of pulling things apart and dissecting everything from guitars, small furry animals, wind up monkeys to music styles. His first guitar was entirely disassembled within 30 minutes of being home and made into a hovercraft.

Then Brett realised that he really did just want to play guitar (ever tried to play a bloody hovercraft?)so he re-assembled the lot and went on to spendevery waking moment playing. Soon, other guitars would answer the piper’s call and join the throng of dozensof guitars and bits that were eventually transformedinto the rock’n’roll hybrids he breathes life into.

Unfortunately, he started naming these abominations and now, well, he talks to them. So, they talk to him and he lives in a shed surrounded by the company of beautifulinstruments and sometimes the humans may get a word in.

The only humans (I use the term loosely) that can get through into his universe are the other misfits in the band. So, the boys bring him back to planet Earth here and there in time for a gig and unleash him onto the unsuspecting public. Watch him dig in and recreate the vintage Stones sounds you know and love. Because he cares, he’ll take you on the Rolling Stones Experience of a lifetime. Hang on for the ride.

“Chris I woke up in a morgue” Day. (Bass)

Living rock’n’roll relic Chris should be dead, or at least on his last legs.Not because he’s been electrocuted on stage several times (on purpose for strobe effect) or blown up by smoke bombs or eaten alive by large frisky pensioner groupies, but, because of the lifestyle he’s chosen as weekend rock god.

Like a warewolf on a full moon, Chris transforms on gig nightsinto a hairy, semi-naked prehistoric beast with torn clothes andmad, scary eyes. Then, after sound-check, he deteriorates furtherinto the most horrific, hideous, unmentionable creature knownto mankind. Yes, he turns into a bass player.

Four strings is more than enough for Chris. Especially as he canonly count to four, anyway. Chris is our thunder (and sometimes our lightning when he stands over a flash-pot).For a skinny guy he’s got a huge bottom end?? He also possesses great feel, but we’ve asked him to stop doing that to the ladies and just play bass.

He is a bass statesman like Bill Wyman and follows Bill’sexample to the letter, right down to a fourteen year old girlfriend. I didn’t know you could keep a blow up doll that long, actually she is deteriorating quickly and is looking more like Chris every day.

Shannan “My face just exploded” Newton. (Drums)

This guy eats roadies for breakfast and uses sound-guys as toothpicks.(Saves a fortune on hotel restaurant bills.) He is a machine and real rock’n’roll monster. Known to split walls at venues and startinternal haemorrhaging, Shannan has been highly sought after to provide that solid beat behind any good rock line up.

The truth of it is, he’s been bashing it out in public for years.(Drums, that is). Shannan showed great promise early on whenhe displayed a natural tendency for beating things and when hisparents finally bought him a drum kit the neighbourhoodkids could finally walk the streets in relative safety again.

Then, at 13, he was sent into battle in pub venues holding itdown with precision timing and solid beats with guys oldenough to be his dad. In fact, his dad recruited him early.First as backstage barman, then security and at 14 decidedhe may as well hit the drums instead of the roadies for a change.

Other ‘drummers’ could only watch in awe as they fell to this young upstart, and, as he would occasionally bite the heads off livestock, he’s a real crowd pleaser and something of a show stopper.

Shannan gives us a our backbone with a solid reinforcedconcrete foundation. His big sound speaks loudly and clearly for itself and he does a great Charlie Watts.

So if, like us, you’re a Stones fan (young or young at heart)come and see this huge talent in action and experience those evergreen Stones hits with us at a club near you, soon.

Paul “What key is it” Middlebrook. (Keys)

Fuelled with Johnny Walker and filled with bravado, Paulholds the keyboards up with his face, but still manages todeliver hot southern-fried Boogie Woogie piano, Hammondorgan rock licks, classy strings and horn parts every show.

How he still manages to do so is a complete mystery to us. The fact that he functions at all is surely a miracle. It is a testimony to the preservative powers of alcoholand cheap roadhouse coffee.

Having been a professional player and touring musofor decades his brain has fried, so as a result, his life is a blurof perpetual one night stands and blue-rinsed, sex-starved granny-groupies, who molest him ‘cause they can’t catchMick anymore now he’s had his hip replaced.

Paul is our actual physical link to the ‘real’ Rolling Stones as he was once told to “piss off” by someone who claimed to have stolen Mick Jagger’s codpiece, which according toKeith’s book is no ‘big’ deal.

So, that brush with fame has inspired him to even lower heights and now he hangs and plays with the rock ’n’ roll reprobates that are the ‘Rolling Stones Experience’.